Having friends and a social life can take up quite a bit of time, so a great way to save time is to not get invited to parties, celebrations and gatherings.
A friend of ours used to rib me when I’d share my frustration about guests not RSVPing to gatherings that we were hosting.
“What’s the big deal?” he’d asked. “If they show up, they show up.”
One day, he decided to host a Super Bowl party. He was trying to figure out how much food to purchase. A good host never runs out, but he also didn’t want to end up with a ton of leftovers. He wanted to plan for how many folding chairs he’d need to borrow and how the furniture should be arranged so that everyone could see the game or lounge on the back porch. The weekend before the big game, he said to me, “OK, I totally get it. I’m sorry that I always gave you such a hard time.”
After a recent gathering that my husband and I hosted, we sat down with our buddy and the conversation led to party hosting. After several drinks, the chatter turned rather irreverent and evolved into this blog post about how to save time by not getting invited to shindigs.
The Top 8 Ways to Save Time by Not Getting Invited to Parties:
1) Don’t RSVP until the last minute – you know, within three to four days or less. After all, you want to be mysterious and keep your host guessing about whether or not you should be counted as a yes. Better yet, don’t RSVP at all. As the Dos XX pitch man used to say, “Stay interesting, my friends.”
2) Call the host or hostess in the two hours leading up to the party. While you’re calling in the middle of them scrambling to get everything ready, be sure not to ask if there are any last minute items you can pick up. Do take the time to ask how many people are coming and who those people are. Be sure to keep them on the line as long as possible because hosts are never doing anything right before a gathering; they have their feet up and are eating bon-bons while they wait for guests to arrive.
3) Show up an hour early. Your hosts would love to start entertaining you while they’re putting the finishing touches on whatever food they’re cooking and plating. Better yet, not only arrive extremely early, but expect to be entertained instead of offering to help.
4) Walk in empty-handed. That’s a great way to win friends and influence people. If it’s a birthday party, anniversary party, graduation party, or some other type of celebration, do not walk into their home with a gift for the honoree. If it’s just a gathering, don’t walk in with any kind of food contribution or host gift. If it’s a potluck, definitely do not bring any food or drinks. That’s less work for you.
5) Blast your own playlist on your phone to drown out the host’s music. A host who took time to put together a playlist would undoubtedly love to have their music drowned out by your random selections of speed metal. And no one else around you wanted to enjoy their conversation anyway.
6) Overshare all of your problems. When guests arrive, be sure to start describing in excruciating detail all of your problems and your very personal issues so that you can make everyone else around you feel extremely uncomfortable.
7) Wander around the house without being invited to do so. All hosts love their privacy to be invaded, so have fun poking around the bedrooms and most especially the rooms that have the doors closed.
8) Overstay your welcome. If the invitation states that the party ends at 4:00, stay until at least 5:00 or maybe even 6:00 or 7:00. While you’re hanging out, do not offer to help clean up. In fact, ask if you can have some more food and help yourself to whatever is in the refrigerator.
For more great tips on how to save time by not getting invited to parties, be sure to do the opposite of what Clinton Kelly recommends in his book, Freakin’ Fabulous.